Masturbating in a relationship - is it okay?

Contents

• Is It Normal to Masturbate in a Relationship?
• The Benefits of Solo Pleasure While in a Relationship
• Does It Affect Your Sex Life?
• Talking About It with Your Partner
• Incorporating Masturbation into Partnered Play
• When It Might Be Worth a Conversation
• Myths and Misconceptions
• Finding What Works for You
• Conclusion

Is It Normal to Masturbate in a Relationship?

Yes, absolutely. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean your solo pleasure habits should stop. In fact, many people, whether they are dating, married, or in long-distance relationships, still masturbate. In the 2019 TENGA Global Self-Pleasure Report, 38% of men and 34% of women admitted they’ve lied to their partner about masturbation, while 37% avoided the topic entirely.

That discomfort comes from outdated ideas that masturbation replaces sex, or reflects a lack of interest in a partner. But in reality, people masturbate for many reasons unrelated to their partner’s desirability. It can be a way to decompress after a long day, process emotions, feel empowered, or meet one’s own needs without the pressure of partnered intimacy.

Understanding this can help couples eliminate guilt or suspicion and instead focus on open, healthy communication around pleasure.

Explore mutual masturbation with your partner

The Benefits of Solo Pleasure While in a Relationship

Masturbation isn’t just about sexual release. It plays a role in stress management, self-awareness, and even physical wellness. Below are some proven benefits of maintaining a solo pleasure routine:

• Stress relief: Orgasms release dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, which can lower cortisol and reduce anxiety.
• Better sleep: Post-orgasm relaxation helps many people fall asleep faster and sleep more deeply.
• Sexual self-awareness: You learn what feels good for you - information that’s valuable for both solo and shared sex.
• Improved mood: Masturbation can boost mental health by increasing endorphin levels.
• Body positivity: Tuning into your body and honoring its desires can lead to a stronger connection with it.

For many, masturbation becomes a form of mindfulness or self-care, not just a sexual outlet. Think of it as part of your wellness routine like stretching or journalling.

Does It Affect Your Sex Life?

Not negatively, if anything, it can enhance it. Understanding your own body helps you communicate more clearly with your partner. You can learn about your most sensitive erogenous zones, what kind of stimulation works best for you, and how your mood impacts your arousal.

In a healthy relationship, masturbation can lead to a better sex life because it allows partners to bring more confidence, clarity, and creativity into the bedroom. It also helps people with mismatched libidos stay sexually fulfilled without putting pressure on the other person.

Talking About It with Your Partner

It might feel awkward at first, but discussing masturbation can build intimacy and trust. A partner who opens up about their solo habits isn’t being selfish - they’re inviting you into their personal experience. The goal isn’t to replace each other, but to understand each other better.

You might start with a question like, “Have you ever thought about how masturbation fits into our relationship?” or, “Would you be open to exploring ways we can enjoy it together?”

Creating a safe space for these conversations can improve both emotional, sexual closeness and sexual satisfaction.

Incorporating Masturbation into Partnered Play

Self-pleasure doesn’t have to be solo. Mutual masturbation, pleasuring yourselves or each other in the same space, can be a powerful bonding activity. It allows both partners to explore desire, rhythm, and technique in a low-pressure setting, similar to partnered sex.

Here are some ideas:

• Use masturbation as foreplay to build arousal before sex.
• Try masturbating side-by-side while talking about fantasies.
  
• Introduce sex toys for new sensations and shared excitement.
  
• Watching porn together to get yourselves into the mood.
  

Looking for ideas? Explore our collection of male sex toys or female sex toys to enhance mutual play.

Also read: How to introduce sex toys into your relationship

When It Might Be Worth a Conversation

While masturbation is typically healthy, sometimes it may indicate unmet needs or mismatched expectations. For example, if one partner is consistently relying on masturbation while the other feels ignored, it's important to discuss this without blame.

Approach the topic with curiosity and empathy. Instead of saying, “Why do you masturbate so much?” try, “I’d love to understand what helps you feel most connected, both alone and with me.”

These conversations aren’t about control - they’re about collaboration and comfort.

Myths and Misconceptions

Some sexologists tend to spread the myths about masturbation.

Let’s clear up a few common misunderstandings:

• Myth: Masturbation is only for people who are single or lonely.
  Truth: Many happily partnered people enjoy solo play for stress relief and self-connection.
• Myth: If my partner masturbates, I must not be enough.
  Truth: Most people masturbate for reasons that have nothing to do with their partner’s desirability.
• Myth: Masturbation in a relationship is cheating.
  Truth: Unless your relationship boundaries say otherwise, it’s a personal form of pleasure - not betrayal.

Finding What Works for You

Every relationship has its own rhythm and dynamic. Some couples enjoy full transparency about masturbation, while others prefer to keep it private. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. What matters most is that both partners feel secure, respected, and understood.

Talk openly about boundaries and preferences. Do you want to share your solo habits? Are there ways to explore them together? Your comfort levels can evolve over time, and that’s okay too.

Conclusion

Masturbation in a relationship isn’t something to hide or feel ashamed of, it’s part of a whole and healthy experience of sexuality. Whether practiced privately or enjoyed with your partner, self-pleasure can increase confidence, reduce stress, and even strengthen your bond.

The key is communication. When both partners understand, respect, and support each other’s personal needs, intimacy grows. Embracing masturbation as part of your relationship can open the door to greater trust, better sex, and a deeper emotional connection.

At TENGA, we offer a range of products designed for mutual pleasure. Whether you're looking for male sex toys, female sex toys, or intimate toys for couples to enjoy together. 

Explore our collections to discover new ways to enhance connection and elevate your relationship!